Who is Tony Soprano?

Tony Soprano appears to be a typical “Don”: has his Capos organized, follows omerta strictly, and

will do anything to protect his family(ies). While he appears macho, hyper- masculine, and

pugnacious, it's all juxtaposed with extreme despair, anxiety, and grief. While his families see the ruthless

gangster facade, the viewers (and his psychologist) sees him in a fragile, and almost man-child way. 

Tony has to navigate mafia life during the mid 90s to early 2000’s, a time where the institution is crumbling, nothing like how it used to be when his father was running the scene. Constantly on edge due to RICO, he spirals into a delusion because he is unsure of who to trust, who will stay reliable and loyal to him. Tony has to attempt the appearance of two antithetical, and contradictory lives: the American Dream and the Mafia.

In his personal life, the stress and fear of his new found title and responsibilities creates anxiety, depression, and an identity crisis. Tony begins to face panic attacks since he is unable to cope with his feelings, as he is too masculine to say how you feel because it might exhibit a sign of weakness. Internally, Tony struggles with trauma that stems from his parents: his mother is manipulative, emotionally abusive, withholding of affection, while his deceased father (whom Tony idolized) modeled toxic masculinity and normalized violence. Tony now has to navigate who he is, apart from his mother and father in his new role of mafia Don. Familial and societal expectations have caused his panic attacks, leading him to start seeing a therapist/psychologist (an ideal that could not be further from his ideal “macho” persona).

Throughout the series, Tony strives to protect his life: he is constantly paranoid, seeing everything and everyone as a potential threat to his power and life. He is concerned with maintaining the “old” ways of organized crime: trust no one except your family, the family comes first, and never divulge information where the Feds can hear you. All the while, he is also trying to protect his nuclear family: his wife, daughter, and son. Tony will struggle with the ideal of what a “good family man” is, as his selfishness and illegal activities will constantly get in the way.